Duality

Content warning: self-harm, discussion of trauma and abuse

JAB 

           JAB

                                 RIGHT HOOK SWIIIIIIIIIIIIING

LEFT HAND SLAP

HEAAAAAAD BANG SMASH INTO WALL

RUN RUN RUN RUNNNNNNING AT IT 

pinchpinchpinchpinchpinchpinchpinchpinch

PINCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

right hand

meets

left hand

intertwined 

cusping 

n 

clasping 

like lovers 

they r close n intimate 

in their strangling 

in their choking 

they are a perfect team 

of torture 

eyes shut 

         eyes open 

                   eyes imagining 

                                     eyes escaping 

                                                  eyes watching

Accountability is important 

              It’s important 

That I know 

THAT EVERYONE KNOWS 

all parts are played by all people

 everyone plays parts 

Villain N Hero 

     Are not so easily described or understood 

And yet the whole sense of literature 

Rests and sits upon these archetypes 

The history of writing 

Of storytelling 

Of media 

Of our own society 

Is sat on the identification that 

yes

we know and can see and can identify and can easily make out who is the good and who is the bad 

          i present 2 u 

                     gd : 

SMILINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

 WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE

WIVVVV A

BIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

                   GGGGGGRINNNNNNNNNNNN

i'm a good person 

i'm a survivor 

i’m a kind person 

i'm an understanding person 

i'm a listener 

i’m a FUCKING good person 

        so who did those things 

at the beginning of this poem?

      YOU write with this poison 

it must be those men who make YOU write like this 

god SHE'S twisted 

            SHE just really needs help 

         poor GIRL don’t know right from wrong 

well it’s me 

i do those things 

i have dun them all

               ALLLLLLLLLLLL OF THEM 

   the sweetness, is it an act? 

i ask the question with a genuine curiosity because i can’t decipher 

    hard 2 know 

I WRITE BOUT MEN HURTING ME 

BUT I FUCKING SIT AT THE TABLE WITH THEM 

COCKS OUT AND WE ARE MERRY WITH VIOLENCE

WE ARE DRUNK WITH ABUSE

         this is all wrong 

    i don’t delete because it exists 

      we shouldn’t delete what exists 

  But it’s too loud 

       shit happens in silence 

that what struck me actually

    the silence 

of it all 

                   after the complaining had stopped 

and the No’s had been ignored 

                  or the mourning had started n i was asleep 

      as u alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll did 

         what u neeeded to do with me 

there was a crisp 

                        blaring 

              booming 

                       clamorous

                                     resounding

                      reverberating

                          cacophonous

                          s i l e n c e 

i am loud in my abuse 

like a siren i wail wondrous screams that scare  

my body rejects the evil that my hands do

when i throw my body into damage 

n hurt her yet again  

all i can do is stridently scream n shout 

       2 hurt this body

My body 

and 

     My mind 

                           horrifies me 

but that’s what separates us 

 i do evil 

               yes 

i know brazen badness n sickening sadness n hurtful harming

          i have shed blood and cut skin so bad 

                that i have nearly drowned in a sea of rufescent rusty red 

i was animalistic in my actions just like u 

    but i was human in my response 

             so i bellowed n bawled 

                     i even roared n shrieked 

 the attack of myself 

                                                was consequential 

                      but u could do it

    in silence 

in

           silence 

 in tranquility       

                                                in hushed stillness 

      so i guess that’s the difference 

         what i do in pain 

                     u do with safety 

        so maybe 

 there is still good and bad 

          n doing bad doesn’t make u all bad 

                n doing good doesn’t make u all good

        maybe it’s our response 2 the bad 

             n the good 

        that determines who we are